Even as I sit here at my desk, staring at the words materializing on my screen, my mind swims with frustration, pent-up anger threatening to dismantle my sense of calm. I'm going to vent a lot of that now. This post has been a long time coming, and I've decided to hold nothing back. Everything you read here is unfiltered.
Someone came up with a plan to collaborate with other YouTubers and plant 20 million trees, someone with the username Mr Beast. I haven't watched the video, but here's the link to it. When I read that title, I took a moment to appreciate this man and what he's done for the planet. We need more people like him, we really do. And then I went online, and found posts comparing him and Greta Thurnberg, posts that go along the line of, "Crying on national television versus actually doing something". Why? Why must you compare them, uplift one and bring the other down? One created awareness and one is bringing people together to plant trees. Both of their contributions are important in their own way. Why villify one and idolize the other? Every time someone does something good, there are a billion assholes trying to bring them down, and it makes me sick.
But with the advent of social media, this is what the world has come to - in the name of giving everyone a voice, they gave everyone a weapon. And the saddest part is, I'm going to have to publicize this post on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
Social media. We don't use social media. Social media uses us.
Social media gave everyone the power to raise their voice, no matter how high-pitched, whiny and judgemental that voice is. You know what? Just shut up. How hard is that? For just a little while, stop talking, stop judging, and observe. Appreciate the moment. You are living on a rock hurtling through space, you have nature and beauty all around you, books to read, games to play, knowledge to consume, and what do you do? You gossip with your friends - "Oh my God, have you seen X today? X and Y are dating, did you know that? Yeah, let's pretend to be their friends so that they tell us personal things that we can spread around and all gossip about! It'll be fun!"
My generation. My generation is the fucking worst. Here's what baffles me, and I'm being honest here. I really don't understand this. I'm a human being, my classmates are human beings. We're in the same age group. We were brought up on the same planet, in the same country. How the fuck can I THAT different from everyone around me? How?
A few months ago, I went through the worst week of my life. My pressure had shot up, at one point to 140/100. On top of that, I was ill. And on top of that, I was having regular panic attacks. One evening, I felt panic surging up inside me. It was powerful, unlike anything I'd felt before. For the next three hours, I went through the longest, most powerful panic attack of my life. My heart was consistently over 140 beats a minute, my nerves were strained beyond belief, my head was throbbing so bad it felt like it would explode any second. It only stopped when I took sleeping pills, and started again after I woke up. It only went away for good when I turned on Netflix and forced myself to not focus on it. I cannot explain in words how bad that experience was. The worst part? I reached out to someone I thought I could trust, and it turns out that I couldn't. So I had to go through that week alone. Just like everything I have to go through. Because people my age can't pull their heads out of their asses and realize that they're not the only ones with problems.
It's experiences like that which have shaped me over the past few years, and made me realize that my generation is the absolute fucking worst. How did we become so shallow, so self-centered? You think chewing gum in class and talking back to your teachers makes you cool? No. It makes you rude and classless. Our teachers work their asses off to provide us with the one thing that we need the most - knowledge - and they aren't even appreciated for it. People scream in the middle of class even when the teacher has asked them for the thousandth time to be quiet. How hard is it to shut up for 50 minutes? Now, that's not to say that some of the teachers aren't assholes themselves, but the majority are good.
This little problem ties into the bigger problem - the absolute apathy that people have for those other than themselves. They've become so engrossed in themselves, that they can't even consider other people's problems, their feelings. How about treating other people well, hmm? How about taking the time to listen to their problems, trying to be there for them? But oh no, I can't do that you see, because I have to play PUBG and watch more TikTok videos.
We keep ourselves completely immersed in our phones and laptops because of one simple emotion - fear. Because it's painful to look at the world as it is - broken. Fractured, maybe beyond repair. Hell, who knows, the way this global warming thing is going, the earth as we know it will probably not even exist in another century. We're too afraid to look beyond ourselves and acknowledge the misery and the pain that surrounds us. While we stand on the street and bitch to our friends that the Uber is 30 seconds late (oh my God what a catastrophe), a child just died of hunger. Even as I type this sentence, someone is being murdered, someone's committing suicide, someone's being kidnapped. Our world is ugly, and I'm tired of pretending that it isn't. I'm tired of being part of a generation that turns a blind eye to everything that doesn't make them laugh.
I'm just tired. And I don't see the point in doing anything anymore. What's the use, anyway? Why write another book, go to college one more day? What the fuck is the point of it all?
When I'm surrounded by people that don't give a shit, how the fuck can I?